Last Monday, Kumaresan (45) was found dead on the thinnai of his house in Anna Nagar, Mayavaram under mysterious circumstances. His body -- dead body that is -- was tinged with blue. A Rin soap bar and Robin Liquid were found in his underwear and a small cat was biting at his feet.
Two days after Kumaresan's death, his wife Gandhimathi (28) appeared on CNN-IBN to decry the fate of her two children. She hinted repeatedly that her husband may have committed suicide due to his piles problem.
The Mayavaram Police Department (MPD) swung into action. A special unit, headed by Inspector Sengottuvan conducted a spirited investigation and the truth emerged. Kumaresan, son of Chokkalingam was married to Gandhimathi. They had a son, Dhanusu (10), who was born six months after their wedding. Three years ago, Kumaresan got promoted from Dishwasher to Server at the Vegetarian Light Refreshment Stall, Mayiladuthurai Junction. Seemingly, the couple were happy about the promotion and daughter Valarmadhi was born.
Kumaresan was in the habit of taking his piles medication with tender coconut water. While buying tender coconuts, Gandhimathi developed a habit with the tender coconut seller, Veeramuthu (26). Gradually, this habit developed into a love affair. Veeramuthu and Gandhimathi began meeting secretly each other at coconut orchards and rooftop terraces. Who knows what tender coconuts Veeramuthu plucked?
Kumeresan came to know about his wife's extramarital affair but feared Veeramuthu’s sharp scythe. So, he sternly warned Gandhimathi to behave. After all, the site of Kannagi, Poompuhar, is only 25 kilometers from Mayavaram. Gandhimathi promised to obey her husband by ceremonially stepping over Valarmadhi -- kuzhandhaya thaandi satthiyam -- and accidentally stepped on Valarmadhi's tender arm. Valaramadhi had to be rushed to the hospital. But the Gandhimathi-Veeramuthu affair continued.
Veeramuthu and Gandhimathi began to plot Kumaresan’s death with poisoned tender coconuts. But miraculously, Kumaresan's piles started to improve and he wanted to have another child. Forced to take new steps, Veeramuthu inserted a Rin bar in his underwear which inflamed Kumaresan’s piles. This also made him blue in color and eventually killed him.
There is widespread speculation that Valarmadhi is Veeramuthu's daughter, further lending credence to Alan Smithee's smart-ass one-liner, "Motherhood is reality, fatherhood is belief."
Police have arrested the culprits. The Vegetarian Light Refreshment Stall at Mayiladuthurai Junction hired a new server. Inspector Sengottuvan has been put in solitary confinement to prevent him from drinking poisoned tender coconut water. The cat has been adopted by the Mayavaram Blue Cross. The locals who thought this was a case of billi sooniyam are relieved and deeply thankful to the Mayuranathar. The only unsolved puzzle is the Robin Liquid found on Kumaresan's dead body.
--A contribution from a fellow gothramite, adapted.
Labels: billi sooniyam, dishwasher, housewife, Mayavarm, Mayiladuthurai Junction, Mayuranathar, Microfiction, Rin, Robin Liquid, server, tender coconut water, The Hindu, vegetarian light refreshment stall
If I remember correctly, poombukar is the place of kovalan not kannagi.
Don't say: Ramar irukka idamdhaan seedhaikku ayodhi - raman isa vadanaattan
The author has a future in daily telegraph.
Brilliant again, and fucking hilarious
Sankar: out of syllabus ba. Sivan irukum idam dhan Parvathu ku Kailayan nu vena vechukalam.
Alan: Yeah, or for that matter in WSJ.
Rastafari: amam. Indha maari noraya guest writer-s a seka vendiadhan inime.
I, indha maadhiri neraya guest writer sethu thaan oru blog irundha suvade illame poiduchu. Be careful.
Anu: At sub-50 hits a day, already this blog suvade illama dhan irukku.
Oho? I thought you were promoting valarum kalaingargal like us.
Oh but i thought "Vegetarian light refreshment stall" and "mayavaram" were your trademarks. I'd seen you refer to them in some posts in the past
Alan: naam ellam valaradha kalaignargal dhan.
Rastafari: Yeah, adhu namma adaptation.